I don’t mean this to be a negative post, but I’m hearing more and more coaching clients struggle with negative people in their lives who seem to be undermining their success. Here are my thoughts:
I’ve found that sometimes there are loved ones and close friends who are uncomfortable with our successes. In fact they are so uncomfortable that they “pick away” at our motivation to succeed. Here are some tell-tail signs that someone close to you may be emotionally undermining your success.
The human mind reacts instantly, powerfully and effectively to any form of discomfort, whether actual or imagined. For example: Let’s say your successes begin making someone you care about uncomfortable. Maybe they feel you’re not spending enough time with them or you’ll change and won’t want them in your life any more. The person experiencing the discomfort may unconsciously want you to feel the discomfort too. I know what you’re saying – “Sharon, that doesn’t even make any sense.”
Think about your desire to succeed this way. Your loved ones aren’t the ones walking in your shoes. Plus it’s important to remember that everyone sees the world through their own eyes and framed by their own life experiences. More than likely, the person uncomfortable with your success didn’t realize that their way of life would change just because you want to become more successful.
If you’re bombarded with discouragement and negativity, then those people closest to you are uncomfortable with the “unknowns” of your success. They may be wondering: How will you change? Will you still have time for them? Will you still care about them?
Is it time to sit down and analyze what may be creating success stress with friends and family?
Here are five questions to think about:
1. Make a list of all the people you believe are unhappy and/or uncomfortable with your desire to improve and empower yourself. Which one person, of all the people you’ve listed, seems to be able to hurt and disturb you the most? How do they hurt you? Why does it hurt so much?
2. Is there a pattern to what happens between you and the other person (people) just before the discouragement or negativity begins? Did you share a hope or dream, talk about something that made you happy but that they weren’t a part of, receive a monetary award or have to take some time and energy away from them? There’s something happening that creates an emotional “hurt” within the other person (people) and that’s what you’re trying to discover by answering this question.
3. Is the person who seems most uncomfortable with your success, happy with where they are currently in their own life? An unhappy person can become an unconscious “discourager” because it is often true that unhappiness loves company.
4. When this person attempts to undermine your success, how do you react? Do you apologize for your happiness and success? Do you try to justify why you have to be successful? Do you feel guilty? Do you feel selfish for wanting success?
5. When you hear the discouraging words and begin experiencing the negativity do you stop doing the things that will bring you success? Are you allowing the negativity of others to determine what you’ll allow yourself to accomplish? People will continue discouraging and negative behaviors will continue if they’re getting the results they want to get. Now, who has the power, you or the person being the discourager? That’s right, the discourager has the power. Wouldn’t you agree then that you’re encouraging their discouraging behavior?
Is it time to do some soul-searching? Is it time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your loved ones, friends and coworkers? Could you be on the verge of possibly self-sabotaging your success to please others?
Success secret: You begin eliminating the negatives in your life as soon as you recognize and understand the damaging effect these negatives are having on your emotionally and physically well-being. Change begins with the desire to change what isn’t working into something that will work.
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I’m Sharon Michaels and I teach you how to do business successfully.
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